I was very fortunate that when nitya lila pravista paramhamsa Om Visnupada astottarasata Sri Srimad Bhakti Jivana Janardana Goswami Maharaja used to visit our Matha, Sri Kesava ji Gaudiya Matha in Mathura, I was there. It is my fortune that I received the darsana of a Vaisnava, a very high class Mahabhagavata Vaisnava. It is not easy to receive darsana of such a Vaisnava because Srila Narottama dasa Thakura has written in a song- ‘gangara parasa hoile pascate pavana, darsane pavitra karo ei tomara guna’ (Translation- only after touching the Ganga does one become purified. But simply by seeing you, one is purified. This is your great quality.) Only upon touching the water of Ganga, you will be pure. But it is a very important thing that just upon receiving the darsana of a Vaisnava, you will be purified. So, Vaisnava darsana is very important.

What is the strength, the power for doing bhajana? ‘Bhakta pada dhuli ara bhakta pada jala, bhakta-bhukta avasesa- tina maha-bala’ (C.c.Antya.16.60) (Translation- The dust of the feet of a devotee, the water that has washed the feet of a devotee, and the remnants of food left by a devotee are three very powerful substances.) The darsana of such a Vaisnava. Moreover, our Guru-Varga are the topmost Vaisnavas. If someone thinks that I know only my Gurudeva and I won’t honor any Vaisnava – this is not possible in bhakti. There must be honor for Vaisnava. Only by the mercy of Vaisnavas can you attain the lotus feet of Gurudeva, the shelter of Gurudeva.

We are fortunate souls that we were staying in Mathura or Vrindavana at that time. Maharaja, very mercifully, used to come there. He had a very good relation with my bhajana siksa-guru, Om Visnupada paramhamsa astottarasata Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Goswami Maharaja. My most revered, most worshipable Srila Bhaktijivana Janardana Maharaj used to come during Damodara month. He would reside in the Matha and would attend Vraja mandala parikrama with our parikrama party.

Srila Maharaja had a very fair complexion. His body was a little heavy. He used to do bhajana in his room until eight in the morning and then would come in the natya-mandira (temple-hall) to attend to ours and vaisnavas’ questions.

With his large eyes filled with tears, he would always chant ‘Radhe! Radhe! Radhe!’ From the core of his heart, he would chant ‘Radhe! Radhe! Vrsabhanu-nandini, Radhe! Radhe!’ That I remember. He had a very soft nature. My most worshipable gurudeva, Sri Srmad Bhaktivedanta Vamana goswami Maharaja and Srila Maharaja were good friends. I heard probably from my Guru Maharaja that him and Srila Maharaja were classmates during their school days. So, they had good relation. But, when I joined my Guru Maharaja, I didn’t know this fact.

Once, I asked Srila Maharaja, ‘Maharaja, can we pray anything while chanting?’ Maharaja replied, “Yes. While chanting you must pray, ‘O Nama Prabhu! How will I attain pure greed? How will I progress in my devotional life?’ Else, if you do not pray, why would Nama Prabhu fulfill your desire?” I still remember these words of his firmly in my heart. He said, “ You must pray for something. But not for your material desires. But pray that, ‘how will greed come in my heart? How will I attain Radha-dasyam (service unto Srimati Radhika). So you must always pray all these things.’ He would always encourage like this. When he would come with us on parikrama (Vraja mandala parikrama), he would greatly encourage us. He used to also come to Navadvipa dhama for Navadvipa dhama parikrama, where he would narrate many astonishing stories from Puranas.

I remember one such story. He told, ‘sabda, that is sound, is a very powerful thing. For instance, once, a couple was living together. The wife was very good and chaste, she would always serve the husband. When her husband returned from his office, she would fan him, wash his feet and perform many other services. Although she would serve him immensely, she wouldn’t talk to him.

Srila Maharaja asked, ‘For how long can one accept such service? It is not possible that a husband can accept his wife’s service devoid of mutual conversation. Without sound, without katha, service is incomplete. Katha, or sound, is most powerful.’

He spoke so many things, which I don’t remember. As I attended the parikrama for so many years, I beheld him come each year for the parikrama and speak such beautiful harikatha. He would be the first speaker. Due to my misfortune, I can’t remember much of his harikatha. But, I remember how, from the core of his heart, he would chant, ‘Radhe! Radhe! Radhe!’

I remember a very important incident from my receptions of his association. My bhajana Siksa Guru, Srila Gurudeva, most worshipable, Srila Narayana Goswami Maharaja would observe a fast on Siva-Ratri. As we know, Sri Advaita Acarya is Sada-Siva, Maha-Visnu. Although in the calender of Gaudiya Vedanta Samiti, the date of observance of Siva-Ratri fast and the breakfast timings were stated, the Vaishnavas weren’t accustomed to observe a separate fast on Siva-Ratri. They would only observeAdvaita-Saptami, the appearance day of Sri Advaita Acarya, not Siva-Ratri. Even after receiving initiation, I also never observed this fast.

But when I came to Mathura, I witnessed that Srila Gurudeva would observe this fast. Some temple residents would observe the fast and some, especially his godbrothers, won’t. Srila Gurudeva would not comment anything in this regard.

Once, I enquired from Srila Gurudeva, “We know that, ‘vaisnavanam yatha sambhu (S.B. 12.13.16) (Translation- Amongst the vaisnavas, Sambhu, Lord Siva, is the greatest vaisnava.) If he is vaisnava-tattva, and hence sakti-tattva, why, then should we fast for him, as we do on Ekadasi?’ Then Srila Gurudeva looked at me and said, ‘I don’t force anyone. If you like, you can follow.’

Another year, on the same day, Siva-ratri, I was sitting in the prasada queue, in front of Srila Gurudeva’s room. Non-Ekadasi prasada was being served and I was honoring that prasada. Subhananda brahmacari, Bhaktivedanta Tirtha Maharaja said to Srila Gurudeva, ‘Maharaja, look, Uma didi is taking anna-prasada (grain-prasada)!’ Then, in the manner that Srila Gurudeva looked at me, I understood that he wasn’t pleased with this. I felt guilty.

Since that day, I never neglected fasting on Siva-Ratri and continue to observe the fast up till this day. Earlier, when, I resided in Bengal, at Cinsura under the guidance of my most worshipable Guru-Maharaja, Om Visnupada astottarasata Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Vamana Goswami Maharaja, I didn’t observe fast on this day. But because I came to Mathura and was living under Srila Gurudeva’s guidance, I began observing this fast.

Once, during Vraja mandala parikrama, I saw that when Srila Gurudeva and Srila Maharaja got on the bus, a conversation began amongst them. Srila Maharaja questioned Srila Gurudeva, ‘Maharaja, why do you fast on Siva Ratri, besides fasting on Advaita Acarya’s appearance day?’ Srila Gurudeva answered very politely, “Srila Sanatana Goswami (in Hari bhakti Vilasa) has given so much honor to Siva in the pranama mantra for Gopiswara Mahadeva composed by him- vrndavana avani pate jaya soma sauma maule sanaka sanandana sanatana narada idya, gopiswara vraja-vilasi yuganghri padme prema prayachha nirupadhi namo namste.’ That, by the mercy of Gopiswara Siva, we can attain the service of the divine Conjugal. This is why we fast on that day.”

Yet, Srila Maharaja was not satisfied then. But after a few days, he said to Srila Gurudeva, ‘Maharaja, what you said that day was true.’ I was personally present during this incident.

The disciples of my Guru-Maharaja also observe Ekadasi differently. They take cauliflower, tomato, green chilly etc. My Guru Maharaja, when he was sick, would accept tomatoes, considering them as a fruit. But Srila Gurudeva would not accept tomatoes on any fast. So, since I came to Mathura, I began to observe Ekadasi as instructed by Srila Gurudeva, and would do so even during my subsequent visits to Cinsura in relation to observance of Navadvipa parikrama.

It is my idea that when I live in Srila Gurudeva’s Matha under his guidance, I must follow his instructions and when, prior to that, when I was in my Guru-Maharaja’s Matha in Cinsura or in Navadvipa dhama, I observed festivals as per his instructions, as prevalent in the respective temples.

Similarly, in my Guru-Maharaja’s Mathas, the Caturmasya vrata is observed somewhat differently, such as taking tomatoes for the first three months. However, Srila Gurudeva would not accept tomatoes during all four months. He taught that because Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu himself observed the Caturmasa-vrata, we, too, following His footsteps, observe it very strictly.

I remember another incident. At the inauguration festival of the Deities established by most revered Om Visnupada astottarasata paramhamsa parivrajaka acarya Sri Srimad Bhaktipramoda Puri Goswami Maharaja in Sri Rupa Sanatana Gaudiya Matha in Vrndavana, Srila Gurudeva, Srila Puri Maharaja and pujyapada Srila Janardana Maharaja were present. Before my Guru Maharaja arrived, in the morning, I was standing in the courtyard. Srila Janardana maharaja, while passing nearby me, said, ‘Uma, are you sad because your Guru Maharaja is not present?’ I said, ‘No Maharaja. I am not sad because you all, Vaisnavas are present here.’ He replied, “Uma, it is not true. Vaisnavas consider everyone to be the recipients of their mercy in a similar way. But only your Gurudeva will consider, ‘Uma is mine’. He is sisya-vatsala (possessors of parental affection for their disciples). He will consider that you belong to him and thus, are his responsibility.”

Once I heard that after the disappearance pastime of Srila Maharaja, Guru Maharaja went to Chennai for his treatment. But as soon as he received the invitation of his disappearance festival, he left his treatment to attend the festival. Because of the train-delay, he arrived late, much after he was called to speak. Yet, he glorified Maharaja for a long time in that assembly.

Although I have never visited Srila Maharaja in his temples, but I know, from wherever he is, he is looking at me, just as he is looking upon everyone. But especially, upon his disciples, he is always showering his mercy. I pray to him, ‘vaisnava thakura dayara sagara e dase karuna kori, diya pada-chhaya sodha e amare tomara carana dhori’ (Translation- O vaisnava thakura! You are an ocean of mercy. Being compassionate upon this servant, purify me by giving me the shade of your feet, of which I take hold.)

About Srimati Uma didi: https://www.purebhakti.com/teachers/bhakti-yoga-teachers/1205-srimati-uma-didi

 Edited by:
Transcribed by: 
Recorded by: Srimati Ranga didi